A Midsummer Nightmare
by Kimura
Summary: Could have made this PG if it weren't for two unnamed bandits ... anyway. This is a crossover of A Midsummer Night's Dream and FY. If I get an enthusiastic response, I'll post more and maybe even finish it. ^_^
1. Default Chapter

_Note: This is based on FY and Shakespeare's_ A Midsummer Night's Dream_. I do not own either one, so don't sue me. The Shakesperean dialog has been altered._

**A Midsummer Nightmare**  
by Kimura 

**Cast:**  
Nakagus, King of Athens  
Soippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, betrothed to Nakagus  
Chiriko, messenger/announcer type dude  
Mitsegeus, father of Hermiaka  
Hermiaka, daughter of Mitsegeus, in love with Tamasander  
Tamasander, loved by Hermiaka  
Subetrius, suitor to Hermiaka  
Yulena, in love with Subetrius   
Hoteron, King of the fairies  
Nuriania, Queen of fairies  
Puckski, assistant to Nuriania  
Fairies (nyan-nyans)  
Townspeople:  
Peter Kouji, the director of the townspeople  
Nick Tomo, the "star"   
Francis Flute (if you can't figure out who this is, you shouldn't be reading this)  
Chichiri  
Tom Keisuke  
Robin Tetsuya

Nakagus marched majestically into the Great Hall. _It's nice to finally be a king in one of these damn parodies_, he thought. 

(HEY, BE NICE OR ELSE YOUR STATUS WILL CHANGE REAL FAST.) 

Nakagus sweatdropped, then motioned for his "captive" fiancee to be brought in. 

Chiriko brought in Soippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. 

Nakagus took Soippolyta into his arms. "In four tedious days, we shall be married, my darling. How slow the time seems to pass." 

"Four days will pass all too quickly and the moon will rise to witness our wedding night," Soippolyta replied, attempting to look as if she wasn't looking forward to the event. 

"Do I detect a note of reluctance in your voice, darling?" Nakagus asked, grinning. 

"Of course not, my lord," Soippolyta answered, grinning almost as much as him. 

(YOU TWO ARE MESSING EVERYTHING UP! SOI, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE HIM YET!) 

Nakagus cleared his throat and pulled away from his bride-to-be. "Chiriko, go out and stir up the people of Athens, so that they might prepare for this joyous event." 

Chiriko pouted. "I didn't even get a line in this scene! I feel so unloved!" 

(SORRY, KIDDO. I DO WHAT I CAN.) 

Chiriko left the room before he could burst into tears. 

Suddenly, four people came storming into the Great Hall. 

"What is the meaning of this?" Nakagus demanded. 

Mitsegeus stepped forward. "My lord, my daughter has been bewitched!" he cried, pointing to Hermiaka. 

Nakagus blinked, looking at the girl. "Why would anyone bewitch her? She isn't worth the trouble!" 

(AHEM!) 

"I mean, how has she come to be bewitched, good Mitsegeus?" 

"See before you, this man," Mitsegeus said, pushing forward a rather green-looking Subetrius. "This noble gentleman has consented to marry my daughter." 

"I did WHAT?!" Subetrius cried. 

(WAS SOMEONE ASKING FOR KOURI TO COME INTO THIS PARODY?) 

Subetrius eeped and shut his mouth. 

"And yet, my daughter refuses to obey my wishes. Another has stolen away her heart!" Mitsegeus pointed to the other man. "That man! Tamasander!" 

(WOW, MITSUKAKE, YOU'RE ACTUALLY GOOD AT THIS!) 

Nakagus, trying his best to look as if he cared, turned to Hermiaka. "What say you, girl?" 

Hermiaka became all teary-eyed. "I didn't mean to disobey daddy! I just want to stay with Tamasander!" 

"Well, sounds good to me," Subetrius said, starting to walk off. 

(OH, KOURI! COME HERE FOR A MINUTE!) 

Subetrius hurriedly went to back to his place. 

(THAT'S BETTER.) 

Nakagus sighed. "Hermiaka, why do you disobey your father? Subetrius is a worthy gentleman." 

"So is Tamasander." 

"But your father has chosen Subetrius. You must trust his judgment." 

Tamasander spoke up. "Mitsegeus, why do you deny me my love? I am just as wealthy as Subetrius." 

There was an awkward silence. 

(OH, SHUN-CHAN ... THAT'S YOUR LINE.) 

Subetrius sighed. "Tamasander, renounce thy faulty claim. The right to Hermiaka's hand is mine, not yours." 

"You may have her father's love, but I have Hermiaka's," Tamasander said. Then he thought for a minute. "Maybe you should marry Mitsegeus instead." 

Subetrius turned red, ready to launch himself at Tamasander. 

"Enough," Nakagus said. "Hermiaka, your choice is simple. Marry Subetrius or forever deny yourself the company of men." 

Hermiaka looked blank. "Huh?" 

"Marry psycho boy or go to a convent," Soippolyta explained. 

"Oh," Hermiaka said. 

"Come, Mitsegeus. We have things to discuss," Nakagus said, motioning for Mitsegeus, Soippolyta, and Subetrius to follow. 

Tamasander turned to Hermiaka. 

"Tamasander," she said dreamily. 

"Hermiaka . . ." 

"Tamasander . . ." 

"Hermiaka . . ." 

"Tamasander . . ." 

"Hermiaka . . ." 

(STOP THAAAAAAT! GET TO THE PLOT, YOU IDIOTS!) 

"Hermiaka, let us escape into the woods tonight. On the morrow, we can gain assistance from a relative of mine in the next town. We can be married and free of your father and Subetrius!" 

"KAY!" 

Yulena walked by as the two had finished making their plans. 

"YUI-CHAN!" Hermiaka cried, glomping onto her friend. 

(WHAT WAS THAT, MEATBALL BRAIN?) 

"Uh, fair Yulena-chan!" Hermiaka corrected, still holding onto her. "Where are you going?" 

Yulena detached herself. "You call me fair? Take it back, for Subetrius loves your 'fair.' Teach me how to gain your beauty, how to sway Subetrius's heart, as you do!" 

Hermiaka blinked. "I frown at him and he loves me still." 

"O that your frowns would teach my smiles such skill!" 

"I yell at him and he responds with words of love." 

"O that my prayers could such affection move!" 

"Um, aren't you being a little overly dramatic?" Tamasander interrupted. 

(DO YOU WANT TO BE AN OBAKE-CHAN PANCAKE?) 

"The more I hate him, the more he follows me!" Hermiaka cried. 

"What an idiot," Tamasander muttered. 

"The more I love, the more he hateth me," Yulena lamented. 

"His foolishness, Yulena-chan, is no fault of mine." 

"None but your beauty; I wish that fault were mine!" 

Hermiaka put an arm around her friend. "Don't worry, Yulena-chan. He won't be able to follow me any more." 

Tamasander stepped forward. "To you, Yulena, we reveal our plans. This night we will escape into the woods to a neighboring town where we shall be married!" 

Hermiaka turned joyfully to her love. "Tamasander, how happy we will be!" 

"Hermiaka . . ." 

"Tamasander . . ." 

"Hermiaka . . ." 

"Tamasander . . ." 

(GRRRRR . . . ) 

"Well, good luck to both of you," Yulena interrupted. 

"Thanks, Yulena," Tamasander said. "My love," he added, kissing Hermiaka's hand. "Until tonight." He excitedly headed off to pack his things. 

"Good-bye, my friend," Hermiaka said, hugging Yulena. "And may Subetrius dote on you, as you dote on him!" She skipped off to get ready for that evening. 

Yulena threw down the basket she was carrying. 

(OOOH, SOLILOQUY TIME!) 

"Oh, why do some people have all the luck? Throughout all of Athens, I am thought to be as fair as Hermiaka. But what does that matter? Subetrius thinks not so." 

"Yes I do! Yes I do! Marry me, Yui-sama!" a voice offstage yelled. 

(SUBOSHI, DO YOU WANT ME TO ARRANGE A MARRIAGE WITH KOURI INSTEAD?) 

"Erk! No!" 

(THEN SHUT UP AND PLAY YOUR PART!) 

"Before he looked on Hermiaka, he swore that he would be mine and mine alone! But as soon as he saw her, all of his promises melted away." Yulena thought for a minute. "I will tell him for Hermiaka's plan to escape in the hopes that I will receive some thanks from him." She picked up her basket and headed off. 

~~~


	2. 2

A Midsummer Nightmare  
by Kimura 

A small group of townspeople gathered to begin the production of a play for the royal wedding. 

"Is everyone here?" Peter Kouji asked loudly. 

"It would be best to call off everyone's name, according to the script," Nick Tomo suggested loudly. 

Kouji glared at him, holding up a scroll. "Here is the scroll which contains the names of all those fit to be in our play." 

"First, Kouji, you should tell us what the play is about, and then read the actors," Tomo said. 

Kouji looked up at the sky. "Do I have to put up with this? Can I beat him?" 

(BY ALL MEANS. WHY ELSE WOULD I HAVE PUT YOU IN THAT ROLE?) 

Kouji grinned, thwacking Tomo solidly on the head. 

Tomo glared at him, not having his precious shin or feathers to use to defend himself. 

(AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA TAKE IT, FREAK BOY.) 

"But that's what the script said for me to do! I'm supposed to be annoying!" 

(*grins* I KNOW.) 

"Great," Tomo muttered. "I play my part and he gets to beat me up for it." 

(THAT WAS THE PLAN.) 

"Anyway," Kouji went on. "Our play is the tragedy of Pyramus and Thisbe. Now, answer as I call you. Nick Tomo." 

"Ready. Name what part I will play and proceed," Tomo said, hoping not to get hit again. 

Kouji made a face. "You will play Pyramus." 

"What is Pyramus? A lover or a tyrant?" 

"A lover that kills himself gallantly for love." 

"Hm," Tomo said thoughtfully. "That will require some tears. But I will move the audience and arouse their pity . . . but I'd be much better playing a tyrant." 

"If it was up to me, you'd be six feet under," Kouji snapped. "Francis Flute?" 

"Here, Peter Kouji," Flute said, standing. 

"You will play the part of Thisbe." 

"What is Thisbe? A noble knight? A musician?" Flute asked excitedly. 

"She is the lady Pyramus must love," Kouji said sympathetically. 

"WHAT?!" Flute cried. "I'm in love WITH HIM!?!?!" 

(SORRY ABOUT THAT . . . THE NAME FIT. YOU'LL SURVIVE. IT'S ONLY A PLAY!) 

"Wait, I've got a better idea!" Tomo cried. "Let me play both roles! I can talk in a high voice for Thisbe and low voice for Pyramus! I --" 

"NO, Tomo," Kouji said sternly. "You play Pyramus and Flute will play Thisbe. Robin Tetsuya?" 

"Yeah," Tetsuya replied nervously. 

"You will be the Moonshine, for it is written that Pyramus and Thisbe meet by moonlight," Kouji told him. 

"Great," Tetsuya muttered. 

(WOULD YOU RATHER PLAY THISBE?) 

"No," Tetsuya squeaked. _Geez, it's bad enough that she took away my sunglasses._

"Chichiri?" 

"Ready no da!" 

"You have a very important part," Kouji said. "You play the Wall." 

"Nani no da?!" 

"Pyramus and Thisbe converse through a chink in the wall between their houses. You will play the wall." 

"Daaaa, I think I got gypped in this story." 

(SORRY, CHICHIRI-CHAN. THERE JUST WEREN'T ENOUGH GOOD ROLES TO GO AROUND!) 

Chichiri pouted. 

"And finally . . . Tom Keisuke," Kouji said, standing in front of him. "You will play the lion that frightens away poor Thisbe. You see, she drops her scarf when she runs away. Pyramus sees the scarf, which the lion has covered in blood and assumes that his love is dead. Mortified, he kills himself. When Thisbe returns and finds him dead, she also kills herself." 

"Well, this will be a cheerful play no da," Chichiri remarked. 

Keisuke looked up at the sky. "Do I have to say this line?" 

(YES. IT'S GOOD SHAKESPEAREAN HUMOR.) 

Keisuke sighed. "Have you the lion's part written yet? I need it soon, for I am slow to learn." 

Kouji sweatdropped, patting him on the shoulder. "Fear not, it is nothing but roaring." 

"Let me play the lion, too!" Tomo cried. "I will roar so fiercely that the Duke will say, 'Let him roar again!'" 

"But if you do it too well, you will frighten the ladies no da," Chichiri pointed out. 

"Of course," Tomo said quickly. "So as not to frighten the ladies, I will roar as gently as dove . . ." 

"TOMO! You will play no part BUT PYRAMUS!" Kouji shouted. "GOT IT?!" 

"Got it," Tomo eeped. 

Kouji cleared his throat. "Now, we will meet here tomorrow to rehearse. Study your parts. Show up or you're in deep shit." 

(WHAT AN INTERESTING TRANSLATION OF THE SHAKESPEAREAN, KOUJI.) 

Kouji grinned. 

~~~

Puckski wandered through the forest aimlessly. 

"Does that have to be my name?" the redhead complained to the sky. "It sounds stupid!" 

(YES. NOW GO ON WITH THE SCENE.) 

Puckski sighed, muttering about how it was bad enough to have lost his precious tessen. 

A fairy floated into view. "HEAL HEAL FIX FIX!" 

(THAT'S THE WRONG LINE, YOU BABBLING BUBBLE-BRAIN!) 

The fairy blinked. 

_Damn, what I wouldn't do to have my tessen and be able to whack that stupid "fairy" into orbit, _Puckski thought. He sighed and got on with his lines. "Fairy, where are you going?" 

"I wander everywhere!" the fairy squeaked back excitedly. 

Puckski rolled his eyes. 

"I serve the Fairy King, Hoteron!" the overly cheerful fairy continued. 

_Poor Hotohori-sama, _Puckski thought. 

"You'd better go," the fairy told him. "He is coming here soon." 

"The Queen of Fairies is going to rest here tonight and she desires that the King stay out of her sight," Puckski warned. 

"The King does not fear her. He is angry at her for keeping a changling boy to herself. The king desires the boy to raise in his own image. But all the Queen does is crown him with flowers instead of training him to be a man. Hey . . . aren't you that sprite Puckski?" 

Puckski smirked. 

(AND THE AUTHOR SWOONS . . . ) 

Puckski sweatdropped. 

(DON'T MIND ME, JUST GO ON . . . ) 

"I am he that sits beside the Queen Nuriania and makes her smile," he answered. 

They looked up as two parties approached. 

"Make room! The King is coming!" the fairy cried. 

"Here comes my mistress," Puckski said. "I wish the King were gone." 

Hoteron and Nuriania stood on opposite ends of the clearing, staring at each other. 

Nuriania glared at her husband. "Puckski, let us leave this place, for I have forsworn the King's bed and company." 

"Wait, you disobedient woman," Hoteron snapped. "Am I not thy lord?" 

Nuriania turned to face him. "Then I must be thy lady, but I know that when you leave the land of the Fairies, you can be found at the bedside of that Amazon, Soippolyta." 

Hoteron blinked. "I am?" 

(YES. YOU ARE. NOW KEEP GOING; YOU WERE DOING WELL UNTIL THEN.) 

"But I don't like arguing with Hotohori-sama!" Nuriania complained, teary-eyed. 

(NURIKO, YOU GET HIM IN THE END, SO BE QUIET FOR NOW!) 

"KAY!" 

Hoteron sweatdropped, then continued with his lines. "You should not talk of such things, Nuriania, when you yourself have been known to often be found in the company of Nakagus." 

"Ewww," Puckski muttered. 

"These are only words of jealousy," Nuriania replied. Her face softened. "Don't you see that as we argue, brooks overflow, flowers wilt, and trees lose their leaves? We are the keepers of the forest." 

"Will you end it, then?" Hoteron asked, stepping forward. "All I ask is the boy, to raise in my image." 

Nuriania turned away. "I will not give him up. He belonged to a follower of mine. She died giving him birth and I swore I would keep him for her." She looked at her husband hopefully. "Will you not forget this and prepare with me for Nakagus's wedding day?" 

Hoteron ran a hand through his wife's long hair. 

Nuriania fainted. 

(WAIT, NURIKO. THAT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT.) 

Puckski hauled her back to her feet. "Wake up, gay boy! It's only a play!" 

"BUT HOTOHORI-SAMA TOUCHED MY HAIR!" she screamed, accidentally hitting Puckski and sending him flying. 

(NURIKO, PLEASE GET ON WITH THE SCENE BEFORE I CHANGE YOUR ROLE ALTOGETHER.) 

Nuriania eeped. 

"I will go with you if you give me the boy," Hoteron continued. 

Nuriania glared. "I wouldn't give you him for thy entire fairy kingdom." 

Hoteron scowled. "Come, fairies. Away." He and his followers left the clearing. 

Nuriania fumed, looking for something to hit. Puckski had just managed to return from wherever the Fairy Queen had sent him flying to. 

(DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HITTING MY TASUKI AGAIN, NURIKO.) 

Nuriania pouted and knocked down a few trees instead. 

"Uh, Your Majesty?" Puckski queried nervously. 

"WHAT?!" 

Puckski jumped. "Um, maybe you could make the King forget about the boy . . .?" 

"How?" Nuriania asked. 

Puckski shrugged. "Cast a spell on him or something." 

Nuriania smiled evilly. "Hm, sounds like a good opportunity to get some revenge at the same time." 

Puckski sweatdropped._ What've I started? _he wondered. 

(OH, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE . . . THE PLOT!) 

"Puckski, do you remember that time we saw Cupid aim at a virgin queen in the distant west?" 

"I remember," Puckski answered warily. 

"He shot a golden arrow from his bow, but it pierced not the queen. Instead, it fell on a small white flower, made purple with love's wound. I want you to get me that flower. When you place the juice of it on a sleeping eyelids, the person will fall in love with the first thing it sees when it awakens. Now, go and fetch me the flower!" 

Puckski saluted. "Hey, my seishi power is speed, ya know." 

(UMMM . . . *sweatdrops* TASUKI, YOU DON'T HAVE YOUR SEISHI POWERS IN THE PLAY.) 

"WHAT?!?!?!?" 

(YOU'LL BE FINE WITHOUT THEM. NOW DON'T KEEP YOUR QUEEN WAITING.) 

Puckski muttered something about the stupidity of fanfics and crossovers and left the clearing. 

Nuriania smiled to herself. "Once the juice is on Hoteron's eyes, I hope the first thing he will see will be some horrible creature like a lion or a bear." She burst into tears. "No, I can't be this mean to my Hotohori-sama!" 

(NURIKO, I TOLD YOU: YOU GET HIM IN THE END.) 

"But what if he falls in love with something that ends up eating him?!" she cried. 

(HE WON'T. I'M THE AUTHOR. I KNOW THESE THINGS.) 

Nuriania looked hopeful. "So, he'll be safe from harm?" 

(UMMM . . . HE'LL BE SAFE FROM PHYSICAL HARM.) 

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked suspiciously. 

(NOTHING. JUST GET ON WITH THE PLAY.) 

Yulena and Subetrius appeared in the clearing. 

"Who comes hither?" Nuriania asked outloud. She snapped her fingers, making herself invisible. "I shall overhear their conference." 

Subetrius stopped dead, turning to face Yulena and nearly causing her to crash into him. "Yulean, I love thee not, therefore follow me not. You told me Hermiaka and Tamasander ran into these woods. The one I'll slay, the other slayeth me. Here I am, wandering around lost and going crazy because I cannot meet my Hermiaka." He paused to make a gagging face. "Hence, get thee . . ." He made the mistake of looking into Yulena's blue eyes. "To a church and marry me!" 

(WHAT WAS THAT?!) 

Subetrius quickly gathered himself before he could be threatened with Kouri again. "I mean, hence, get thee gone and follow me no more." 

Yulena looked at him pleadingly. "Give up your power to draw me near and I shall no longer have power to follow!" 

"Do I entice you? Do I speak you fair? Or do I not in plainest truth tell you that I do not nor cannot love you?!" 

Yulena knelt in front of him, holding onto the edge of his shirt. "And for that do I love you the more! Treat me as your dog, Subetrius! For even a position as low as that would be a place of honor at your side!" 

Subetrius's jaw dropped. "Yui-sama, you're much better than dog --" 

(SHUN-CHAAAAAN . . .) 

Subetrius whimpered. "But she's begging at my feet! How can you give me an opportunity like this and not expect me to take it?!" 

"Um, Suboshi, I'm acting," Yulena told him. 

"What?" Subetrius cried. 

Yulena stood up. "I . . . I am sick when I do look on thee!" 

Subetrius fell to his knees. "And I am sick when I look not on thee!" 

(STOOOOOOOOOP! YOU'VE GOT THE LINES BACKWARDS! GET IT RIGHT OR I'LL COME DOWN THERE PERSONALLY! AND I WON'T COME ALONE!) 

The two looked at each other and quickly switched places. 

"You are unwise to wander into these woods, putting your trust in someone who loves you not," Subetrius continued. 

"Your virtue is my protection!" Yulena proclaimed. "It is no longer night when I look on your face. Nor does this wood lack company, for in my my opinion, you are all the world. Then how can it be said that I am alone when all the world is here to look on me?" 

Subetrius looked down at her. "I have a mind to run off and hide, leaving you to the wild beasts." 

Yulena stood up, grabbing onto his arm. "The wildest hath not such a heart as you! Run when you will. The story will be changed. The rabbit will chase the fox, the bird will chase the cat!" 

Subetrius tried to shake her off. "I will not stay and listen to you talk. Let me go. Or if thou follow me. . ." He paused, looking up at the sky. 

(YES, YOU HAVE TO SAY THE LINE.) 

He sighed and muttered the line. "Or if thou follow me, don't think I will not do thee harm in the woods." He succeeded in detaching himself from her. 

"You do me harm, Subetrius. Your wrongs are against my gender. Women cannot fight for love as men do. We were made to be wooed, not to woo. I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well." 

The two left the clearing, Yulena still on Subetrius's heels. 

(*sighs in relief* WELL, THAT TOOK LONG ENOUGH.) 

Nuriania had watched the scene, looking on Yulena with pity. 

"Fare thee well, maid," she said softly. "Before he leaves this wood, he will seek thy love." 

"ALL RIGHT!" Subetrius cried from offstage. 

A frying pan was dropped from the heavens and landed on his head. 

"Itai . . ." 

Puckski jogged to the Queen's side, panting. 

"Have you the flower?" she asked. 

Puckski handed it to her, still panting. "Stupid . . . fucking fanfics . . . takin' away my . . . power . . ." 

Nuriania looked at the bunch of small flowers eagerly. "I know where Hoteron sleeps tonight. With this juice shall I streak his eyes and make him full of hateful fantasies." She handed one of the flowers to Puckski. "Take thou some of it and search the woods. A sweet Athenian lady is love with a disdainful youth." 

"Hey!" a voice protested. 

(WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER HEAD INJURY, SUBOSHI?) 

"Iieee . . ." 

"Anoit the youth's eyes, but do it when the next thing he shall see will be the lady. You will know him by the Athenian garments he has on. Meet me back here before the first cock crows," Nuriania told him. 

Puckski nodded. "Fear not, my Queen. Your servant shall do so." 

(AT LAST! ACTORS WHO KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE!) 

~~~

Hoteron laid down in a soft bed of flowers. "Fairies, a song to lull me to rest," the King ordered. 

"HEAL HEAL FIX FIX HEAL HEAL HEAL FIX FIX!" 

"Um, that's enough singing for now," Hoteron interrupted. "I . . .I'll sleep fine, thanks." He shook his head, closing his eyes. 

The fairies made sure the area was protected then disappeared into the woods. 

Nuriania crept into the small grove and over to her husband's side. She squeezed the flower until several drops landed on his eyelids. "What thou seest when thou dost wake, do it for thy true love take. Love and languish for her sake, be it cat or tiger or bear, leopard or boar with bristled hair. In thy eye that shall appear when thou wakes, it is thy dear. Wake when some vile thing is near." Nuriania cackled evilly (softly) and left. 

Tamasander entered the clearing, carrying Hermiaka on his back. He was breathing heavily. "My love . . . I think you grow faint with all of this walking and I have lost our way. Let us rest, Hermiaka." He put her down gently, trying to catch his breath. 

"KAY!" Hermiaka said brightly. "Find yourself a bed, for I upon this bank rest my head," she said, curling up on a tuft of grass. 

Tamasander lay down beside her. "One turf can serve as pillow for us both; one heart, one bed." 

Hermiaka wormed away from him a little. "Nay, good Tamasander, for my sake, my dear, lie further off yet. Do not lie so near." 

"Take the truth in my meaning," Tamasander said quickly. "I meant that my heart onto yours is knit." He inched closer to her. 

"Tamasander!" Hermiaka shouted, punching him harder than she met to. 

He flew over the clearing, landing on the other side. 

"Oops . . ." 

"That's okay . . ." Tamasander said weakly. "I'll just . . . stay over here." 

"KAY! Oyasumi, Tamasander." Hermiaka put down her head and slept. 

Tamasander sighed to himself and also fell asleep. 

_To be continued . . ._


	3. 3

A Midsummer Nightmare  
by Kimura 

Puckski wandered into the clearing. "Where the hell am I supposed to find some Athenian jerk in these stupid woods?" he complained loudly. He stopped when he saw Hermiaka and Tamasander sleeping. "Aha! An Athenian gentleman! And there is the maid, lying far off." He knelt next to Tamasander and produced the enchanted flower. He squeezed it, letting the drops fall on the sleeping man's eyes. "When thou wak'st, let love keep thee from sleep." He scurried away back to his queen. 

Two new people walked into the clearing. 

"Stay, though thou kill me sweet Subetrius!" Yulena cried, trying to keep up with him. 

"I charge thee hence and do not haunt me thus!" he shouted, not slowing down. 

"O wilt thou leave me in the darkness? Do not so!" she pleaded. 

"Stay here or risk peril with me. I'll go on alone." He stormed out of the clearing. 

(I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU, SUBOSHI. YOU GOT THROUGH A SCENE WITHOUT ASKING YUI TO MARRY YOU.) 

Yulena fell to the ground, panting. "O, I am out of breath in this foolish chase. The more I follow him, the lesser is my reward. Happy is Hermiaka, wheresoever she lies, for she hath beautiful and attractive eyes. How came her eyes so bright? Not with salt tears -- if so, my eyes are more often washed than hers. No, no, I am as ugly as a bear." 

"I can't let this go on!" Subetrius shouted from offstage. The other actors held him back before he could incur the Author's wrath. 

(SIGH . . . ) 

Yulena looked around the clearing. "But who is here? Tamasander, on the ground? Dead, or asleep? I see no blood, no wound." She went to his side and shook his shoulder. "Tamasander, if you live, good sir, awake." 

Tamasander's eyes opened and glazed over at the sight before him. "And run through fire I will for thy sweet sake! Radiant Yulena, nature shows magic skill that through thy bosom I can see thy heart! Where is Subetrius? O, how fit a word is that vile name to perish on my sword?" He sat up. 

Yulena gasped and sat there for a minute. Then she leaned forward and kissed him fully on the mouth. 

(UMMM . . . WAIT A MINUTE HERE. YUI, I DON'T SEE THAT IN THE SCRIPT.) 

There was no response from either of the two actors. 

(DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE.) 

Still no answer. 

(OKAY, YOU ASKED FOR IT.) 

The Author appeared on the stage. Everyone gasped in fear, except Hermiaka who was still asleep. Yulena and Tamasander finally stopped kissing. 

"B-But, but, I had to get one kiss in before you pair me up with Suboshi!" Yulena cried. 

The Author was unsympathetic. "There's nothing wrong with Suboshi." 

(Kouri: Yeah, if you would just return his undying devotion to you.) 

"Oh God, are there two of you?" Tamasander asked fearfully. 

"No, she was just commenting," the Author answered. "I'm the only one with control of the keyboard." 

Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief. 

She turned to Tamasander and Yulena. "If you two don't start behaving, I can always drastically alter the plot to make your lives miserable." 

"You've already got Suboshi after me!" Yulena pointed out. 

The Author whacked her over the head with a mallet. "That's enough Subetrius bashing from you. I am the only one who will bash in this story. Now do things right, or get in trouble." The Author vanished. 

Yulena and Tamasander looked at each other. Hermiaka had slept through the whole thing. 

(ANYWAY . . . YULENA, IT'S YOUR LINE.) 

Yulena sighed heavily. "Do not say so, Tamasander; say not so. You love Hermiaka, and she loves you. Therefore, be content." 

"Content with Hermiaka?! No, I do repent those tedious minutes I with her have spent. Not Hermiaka, but Yulena I love. Who would not change a raven for a dove? My reason tells me you are the worthier maid," he replied. 

Yulena stood up indignantly. "What did I do to deserve this mockery? Why at your hands do I deserve this scorn? Is it not enough, young man, that I did never -- no, nor never can -- deserve a sweet look from Subetrius's eye, but you must flaunt my insufficiency?! Truly, you do me wrong! Fare you well. I must confess I thought you a lord of more true gentleness." She turned to leave. "O, that a lady of one man refused should by another there be abused!" She ran back into the forest. 

Tamasander stood up quickly to follow, glancing back at Hermiaka. "She sees not Hermiaka. Hermiaka, sleep thou there, and never mayst thou come Tamasander near." 

The entire cast (except Hermiaka, of course) burst into applause. 

Tamasander blinked. 

"You've needed to get rid of her for a while, Obake-chan!" Puckski shouted from off stage. 

(YES, YES. I'M A GENIUS. LET'S CONTINUE.) 

Tamasander, still looking slightly confused, finished his lines. "All my powers, my love and might, will honor Yulena and be her knight." He ran into the forest after his new love. 

There was silence. 

And more silence. 

Yet more silence. 

Silence prevailed throughout the forest. 

(HERMIAKA!!!!!!! WAKE UP, DAMN IT!!!!!) 

Hermiaka lazily opened one eye. "Huh? What?" 

(*taps foot impatiently*) 

Hermiaka's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! My lines!" She closed her eyes for a moment, then waved her arms about over dramatically. "Help me, Tamasander, help me! Do thy best to pluck this crawling serpent from my breast!" She opened her eyes and sat up. "Oh, 'twas only a dream. I thought a serpent ate my heart away, and my love sat smiling at its cruelty. Tamasander, look how I do quake with fear!" she said, holding a trembling hand out to her love. The clearing was empty. "TAMAHOMEEEEE!!!!!" 

(*sighs* I SUPPOSE THAT'LL HAVE TO DO.) 

~~~

The players met for a rehearsal. 

"Are we all met?" Tomo asked. 

The others nodded, wishing they were anywhere except where they were. 

"Peter Kouji?" 

"What is it, Tomo?" Kouji growled. 

"There are things in this play of Pyramus and Thisbe that will never please. First, Pyramus must draw a sword to kill himself, which the ladies cannot abide. What shall we do about that?" 

Kouji rolled his eyes. I wish Pyramus would kill himself, he thought. 

"I believe we must leave the killing out," Tomo continued. "Oh wait! I've got an idea! Write me a prologue, and let the prologue say that we shall do no harm with our swords. Explain that Pyramus is not indeed killed, but for more assurance, tell them I, Pyramus, am not Pyramus, but Nick Tomo the weaver. This will put them at ease." 

"Sure, sure, we'll have such a prologue," Kouji agreed, hoping to shut him up. 

"Will not the ladies be afeard of the lion?" Keisuke asked. 

"I fear it, I promise you," Tetsuya muttered. 

"There should be another prologue that tells that he is not the lion no da," Chichiri suggested. 

"Yes!" Tomo exclaimed. "He must say his name and half his face should be seen behind the mask. And he must speak courteously and explain that he is not a lion, but Tom Keisuke!" 

"Whatever," Kouji said, trying to move things along. "We'll have two prologues. Now let's get this rehearsal over with." 

Puckski, returning from his errand, stopped as he saw the players. He hid himself behind a tree. "What idiots are these wandering around so near the cradle of the Fairy King? Rehearsing a play?" Puckski snorted. "I'll be the audience. Or maybe even an actor . . ." 

Tomo and Francis Flute took their places to rehearse the scene. 

"Pyramus, you begin," Kouji coached. 

Tomo struck and pose and spoke dramatically. "Thisbe, the flowers of odious --" 

"Odors!" Kouji shouted, throwing a rock at his head. 

Tomo rubbed his head and continued. "Odors savors sweet," he continued. "So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear. But hark, a voice. Stay thou but here a while, and by and by I will to thee appear." 

"A stranger Pyramus than I've ever scene," Puckski muttered as Tomo went off stage. His eyes suddenly lit up with inspiration. He approached Tomo from behind. 

Flute looked disgusted. "I must speak now?" 

Kouji nodded sympathetically. 

Flute began spitting out his lines as fast as he could. "Most radiant Pyramus, most lily-white of hue, of color like the red rose on a triumphant brier. Most bristly juvenile, and eke most lovely Jew, as true as truest horse that yet would never tire. I'll meet thee Pyramus at Ninny's tomb --" 

"Ninnus's tomb, man!" Kouji shouted. "Don't say that yet! That's your answer to Pyramus! You spoke your part all at once, cues and all. Pyramus, get back over here. Your cue is passed. It's 'never tire.'" 

"Oh," Flute said, not really caring. He tried again. "As true as truest horse that yet would never tire." 

Tomo returned to the stage, but his head had been replaced with that of an ass. 

(NOT MUCH A DIFFERENCE, IF YOU ASK ME. YES, I KNOW HE'S BISHONEN WITHOUT THE MAKEUP. BUT WITH IT, HE'S JUST A FREAK!) 

"If I were fair, Thisbe, I were only thine," Tomo said, continuing his lines. 

The players all backed away from the monster. 

"Why are you all running away?" Tomo asked confusedly. 

"Tomo, thou art changed!" Keisuke asked, pointing at his new head and backing away further. 

"You're transformed!" Kouji shouted over his shoulder as the players fled. 

Puckski sneaked away quietly, snickering. 

"I see their knavery," Tomo said. "This is to make an ass of me, to annoy me if they can. But I won't move from this place! I will wake up and down here and sing! That way, they won't be afraid of me!" He began to stomp around, singing painfully. 

The entire cast groaned, wishing he would stop. 

Hoteron stirred, waking up at the sound. "What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?" 

Tomo continued singing loudly. 

Hoteron slowly approached him, his eyes shiny. "I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again. My ear is enamored of thy notes, and my eye is enthralled to thy figure. I swear, I love thee at first sight!" 

Tomo blinked. "Methinks you have little reason to say that. But then again, truth, reason, and love don't always go together." 

"Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful," Hoteron gushed. "Do not leave this wood. You will remain here with me, whether you want to or not. I do love you. Come with me. I will give you fairies to attend on you." 

Several fairies appeared in bubbles around Tomo and popped out. "READY!" 

"Be kind and courteous to this gentleman," Hoteron instructed. "Bring him away with us." 

The fairies bustled around Tomo and the entourage went deeper into the forest. 

(I'M SORRY HOTOHORI-SAMA!!!) 

_To be continued ... I'M BACK!_


End file.
